Ian Dunt, a British journalist wrote [this piece] (https://iandunt.substack.com/p/how-to-be-a-man-4ae) in August 2025 as an attempt a “a progressive view of masculinity and on men getting laid.” Understanding that his intent was to be helpful, there are a at least a couple problems with this: (1) it puts yet another thing into the realm of politics that it is ill-suited to handle and (2) it’s reactive to dysfunction on the right. Progressives don’t need to have an opinion on masculinity and “men getting laid” just because conservatives have one. What might be more useful is a focus on how social darwinism and free marketing economics have damaged society to an extent that many people aren’t having fulfilling relationships.

Reading this piece reminded me of a scene from the show Luther, where Idris Elba’s detective talks about his father’s expectations of how his son would perform masculinity because of his size (6'2") and physique and his disappointment because he was more interested in books. Absent from Dunt’s piece about masculinity is any mention of fathers or mothers–the parents whom I would expect to the primary shapers of masculinity (and femininity) because they raised the boys and the girls that have become the subjects of his piece.

Our parents should be the primary people teaching us both values (whether secular or religious) and competence. My father taught me things like how to study the Bible, how to iron a dress shirt, and manage financial matters. My mother introduced me to science fiction and poetry, as teaching me how to cook and clean. Both of my parents did yardwork–including mowing the lawn. My dad in particular still talks about the importance of having an avocation as well as a vocation (the former being a fancy word for “hobby”, which he uses as a Jamaican man whose formative years preceded the island’s independence from the United Kingdom).

No one’s parents are good at everything, but this is where extended family, churches, youth leagues, camps, Boy Scouts, etc come in. All these institutions should provide lessons and positive role models to guide men in a positive direction should they choose to follow it. The success of people like Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate, and Kevin Samuels in being viewed as men whose advice regarding relationships should be followed suggests a catastrophic failure of all the aforementioned institutions.

I’m nobody’s model husband or parent by any means. I engage in therapy and reading regularly to try and improve in both roles. But I’ll be damned if I let some random person from the internet–or anywhere else–have more influence over my children than I do. Those of us who are parents need to have enough pride–if not jealousy–about our position in the lives of our children that neither politician, nor influencer, nor pickup artist, nor grifter, nor professional opinion maker can gain meaningful purchase or influence ahead of us.